There's a way that I think guys are done a disservice. Let me see if I can put it into just a few words.

Remember the classic sex strategies - the female of the species is sparing and choosy, protective of a few eggs and young, while the male of the species is profligate, taking risks and opportunities to basically diversify the portfolio? You know the story. And it's legitimate enough. Much of the animal kingdom is influenced by this pattern, including humans in our history - and today is part of our history. Life is not quite that simple, but it's one of the themes; oversimplified, stylized, but not exactly crazy or wrong. The pattern exists.

Yet promiscuity is seen as negative - not in the same ways for men and women, but generally negative. It's seen as unfaithful or caddish to be sleeping around or interested in many people and playing them off against each other. And that's often at best. It can be seen as objectively hurtful and even, apparently, pure evil. Treatment of cheaters and adulterers has at times been... harsh.

Many guys will understand that it's better, more virtuous, simpler, more honest, etc, to be interested in one person at a time. And to some extent this is maybe because we consider one person enough, and to another extent it is maybe because society has expressed to us that this is a better, more noble way to conduct our lives. So whether it's from some inner compass or reading the room of society, we aren't chasing after multiple women at once. It almost doesn't occur to us. Not usually. We're interested in one person, and we want to know if she's interested back.

The problem is that this is actually - intuitively - read as weak, unmasculine, and possibly desperate by female psychology. That caddish thing that men aren't supposed to be like - you know, cheats, players, etc - is almost the definition of masculinity according to that sex strategies picture, which many have awareness of, including many women, and including some primate instinct around sexuality. So when we ennoble ourselves, we can make ourselves pathetic.

And that's the disservice that's done to men. It's this idea that it's a good thing to be interested in only one woman. And it may be, but we forget that it's also a good thing to be interested in many women. That's perfectly all right, and there are times when that's by far the healthiest - and ironically by far the most attractive - option.

When you flirt with many women, some will flirt back, and some of those will get with you, and all of that will naturally build your confidence and increase the ratio of women who respond. If you don't flirt with anyone, or only one person at a time and it seems like every time you end up rejected - that will naturally harm your confidence, and make the ratio worse in the future. That's a basic equation of human sexuality - again, a bit simplified, but a real pattern.

Yes, it has traditionally been more socially acceptable for men to be promiscuous than women. (This in part derives from matching the sex strategy that goes with the type of sex cell you're carrying, though that concept has been taken to intolerant extremes; strategies of this kind should absolutely not be enforced by others; let people be how they are!) But when men do not want to be promiscuous, or feel that isn't the right way to be in general, they tend to suffer for it, because they seem unmasculine.

And when they like someone? Guess what! That person's opinion matters a lot. In some ways too much. (It isn't supposed to - that's "putting her on a pedestal." And externally this can seem like manipulation. But for the guys I'm talking about - guys like me - it's a purely emotional thing. If someone matters, she matters. If you care what she thinks, you care what she thinks. If you're a little scared of her because you feel intense about her, you're a little scared of her because you feel intense about her. Nothing could be more genuine.) It's easy to get heartbroken and depressed when the one person you really like doesn't even think it's worth responding to a text message, like, ever. It's pretty devastating. Or can be. Then try that on repeat. Because it's what happens on repeat when every person you're interested in thinks you're weak, unmasculine, desperate, creepy, etc... and when she thinks that because she's the only person you're interested in at that time. She'll detect the pressure. Even if you aren't projecting it, she'll sense it. And that will be your undoing.

This has been referred to as "oneitis," and every time I hear it mentioned it's presented as weakness and probably pathetic. Now, if two people are married, then exclusivity is part of the commitment, and it's seen differently. But emotions aren't legal contracts. They happen when they happen. And for men and women the timelines are often a bit out of alignment, probably naturally. (Men seem to fall in love faster, or some do, and women seem to assume it's superficial. Both are probably natural and probably shortsighted in some ways. If a woman can size up a man from his confidence and demeanor and so on, why would we assume men can't do the same? Yet there are some instinctual asymmetries that are not in themselves wrong - just easy to misunderstand.)

This is not adequately explained to men - or women. But I think it's real.

It isn't exactly "nice guys" versus "bad boys." It actually has to do more with flirting, promiscuity, selectivity, and how we process those things - and how those things unconsciously affect our mating instincts.

As a guy, you can be interested in just one person. You can. But you have to let her know you're interested, preferably in a way that's bold but not objectionable or desperate. She needs to know she's special to you and why, yet she needs to not feel pressured by that. And there's kind of a slow reveal; you don't just drop a bomb. Or if you do, it has to be a bomb she likes in that moment - but it can't seem like you're throwing it out there just because she likes it. It's kind of a delicate balance. It's more delicate than the balance of flirting with many women, other women seeing that you like women and are popular with them, and joining in the fun because they expect to have fun.

Basically, the more selective "nicer" strategy is in some ways more difficult to pull off, that is, unless you understand these patterns I've described above.

It's a theory. I don't really know. It's what I think, based on experience, observation, listening, etc.