I profoundly dislike those conversations about "are you DEFENDING him/her?????"

If putting in a word toward someone's humanity or subjectivity (because you won't) or possible motives or factors you aren't considering is massively offensive to you - for any person, totalitarian dictators included - then I consider that your problem.

It's a bit of a hard line. I do try not to offend people by "defending" - ie, talking about as if human - people who are being hated on (often with good reason).

But I find this hypersensitivity (or, rather, total numbness accompanied by irritation at the suggestion) toward anything good/smart/decent/acceptable about an objectionable person to be horribly small-minded, and frankly in itself at least as offensive as you think I'm being. Only I'm cooler about finding it offensive. I am one of the most forgiving people - it's something I watch people fail to realize, because it would be dangerous to tell everyone too readily. But I am.

Everyone is human and has some kind of rationale for what they do, and there's always something you don't understand. Socrates knew this 2500 years ago, as have countless wise people since, and probably many before as well. This in no way means all action should be allowed! It means people generally make sense to themselves, and when someone doesn't make sense to you, it's because your brain and their brain are in different states.

If you have trouble with that inevitability, again, that is generally your fault, to my mind, not really mine. I try to be as patient as possible. People do understand eventually.