I have a 2nd degree black belt in TKD - did that for 10 years, 8 to 18...
which helped me know what it means to fight, yet to be a lover, not a fighter.
I've broken someone's bone. I've won full-contact sparring matches at competitions. I've been intimidating, apparently, because people often grumbled about having to fight me, and sometimes I guess they must have been winded or felt pain. I've led classes, grappled without rules (I'm actually very good at this), been hurt in almost every way, flown on kicks, splintered boards, had my fingers jammed and bruised holding boards for others, taken real whacks in the shins and everywhere else, refereed, yelled, been kicked in the teeth so they chipped and cracked, sank to the floor doing the splits on the regular, pushed through so many kinds of pain, etc.
Something I knew basically those entire 10 years is that I'm just not an aggressive or competitive person. What does it matter who wins? It sort of vaguely matters, maybe, and from some points of view does. But me rather than you, you rather than me - so what? Am I going to hurt you for it? Let you hurt me? So I was an excellent fighter, and scary, but ultimately defensive, not offensive. Everyone told me I was defensive, it was my only weakness, I should be more offensive. Should I?
Should I really? Maybe I was right.
Or anyway, maybe that's who I've always been and I never intended to change it, and won't.
